im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It all started with a game of naked twister.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
