he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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