dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
