Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
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