What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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