My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
