she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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