I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
