I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
