Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
