Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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