If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
