Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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