It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
