my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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