A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
