How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
