"it" just moved
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
