woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
