I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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