Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
