Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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