There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
