I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
