My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
