how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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