Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
