I'm lost and stupid without you.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Randomize
