mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
