Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
