I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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