Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
