just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
