Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
