there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
