cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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