My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
