I met the friendliest cop last night
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
