Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
