Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
