someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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