I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
