On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
