porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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