May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
