I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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