I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
fuck your aforementioned shoe
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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