you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
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