Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
