She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
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i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
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The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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