the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
