i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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