I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Just puked most of my soul out..
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