wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
