If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
