you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
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I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
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brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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