grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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