I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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