I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
