we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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