dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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