No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
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All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
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You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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